


The Memory Of You

by detectivecaz



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, Post-Skyfall, Regrets, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 13:17:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5092199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/detectivecaz/pseuds/detectivecaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eight months have passed since Skyfall, causing two people to lament on past memories of each other. With each of them holding regrets of what could have been they don't think they will ever get the chance to tell each other how they feel. That is until the perfect moment presents itself in the most unexpected way…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Memories

* * *

Olivia looked out into the distance taking in the blue ocean and the feel of the warm sun against her skin. It had been eight months since Skyfall. Eight months since James thought she were dead. The doctors informed her they had lost her twice when they had tried to remove the bullet from her. It was a miracle she had managed to survive given the amount of blood she had lost. Not to mention her age. Once she had regained consciousness, she had agreed with Mallory that it was in everyone's interest that they thought she had died in surgery. But that didn't stop her envisioning the heartbreak she saw in James eyes as he held her in his arms, thinking that would be the last time they would see each other. Hell, she even thought herself that it was the end, but it seemed fate was on her side. If it hadn't been for the tracker James had kept with him, she wouldn't be standing here now.

She had lived. But was it really much of a life if she had no one? M had longed to tell James, but it was in the best interest for both of them that he got on with his life, rather than clinging on to her. She was nothing more than a distant memory and it was better in everyone's interest that it remained that way. All of Silva's henchmen had been apprehended and were no longer a threat much to her relief and she could finally bury that part of her past for good this time. But that didn't stop her from hacking into MI6 servers now and again to try and keep up to date on what was currently happening. Mallory only told her so much and she was never one for being kept in the dark. However, she did find that Mallory seemed to have been accepted in his new role far more easily than when she had held the role of M. She couldn't help but think it was because he was a man and more suited for the job, which was more than likely, the reason for it.

She held no grudges against the man; he would no doubt make a fine M. Well, for the time being, she didn't know how he would be a few years down the line. He had promised to keep her updated on any information that regarded James. Mallory was right about his assumption in her office that day, she was sentimental over Bond, and she just didn't want to believe it at the time. After all she had a job to do, she couldn't let her feelings for Bond get in the way of it. Even though they already had. She denied it of course, but now she couldn't any longer. She had cared for him, and still did, but it seemed those feelings grew and developed into something more. She knew the signs, having had the same sensation when she was married to her late husband. M had slowly come to love Bond, in a way she never thought possible. Now, he would never know her feelings and it was probably best that he hadn't found out. He would never let her go.

The insufferable bugger always got on her nerves and that was without him not finding out about her feelings for him. But she couldn't deny her job was never dull when he was around, it was quite the opposite. She missed him with each passing day and her thoughts and heart seemed to agree with her. No matter how much she tried to keep herself busy, her thoughts would always come back to him. It was maddening and comforting at the same time. All she had left of him now was her memories. Yet, she couldn't help but think… that it was better than having nothing at all.


	2. Never Letting Go

* * *

James sat on the couch of his new apartment, glass of whiskey in his hand as he stared at the china bulldog figurine that had found permanent residence on his brown pinewood coffee table. The scorch marks were still evident around its face from where it got damaged in the explosion. He did wonder how the blasted thing had survived. He despised it, but it did bring him some comfort. It was the only physical part of Olivia he had left. He had lost her all because she went along with his plan. He wondered what he was thinking taking her to his childhood home without any backup. Then again that was the problem. He didn't think. It seemed Olivia was right these past years. His reckless actions did get people killed. He just never thought he would lose her.

It had been eight months, and yet- he still couldn't get over the loss of Olivia. His dreams would always take him back to the chapel, replaying over the same scene of the woman he had come to care about collapsing into his arms as her life slipped through his fingers. The dream would then change to Olivia, blaming him for getting her killed. Even though he had got her proper medical care, he still lost her. And it was entirely his fault.

He had thrown himself back into work, taking any mission that was available in the hopes to help keep his mind off her. But even the job wasn't the same as it once was. Everything had changed. He didn't know whether he could carry on with a job that held so many memories of the woman he had lost.

Drinking the rest of his whiskey, he placed the empty glass on the table and picked up the framed photograph. He was never one for being sentimental, and he didn't do commitment, but as he traced the glass with his fingers he knew he would have committed himself to her. He had taken the photo from her apartment before they had cleared out her home. It was a much younger Olivia, from the one that had died in his arms, but she was still beautiful. Her blue eyes sparkled with amusement as she smiled for the camera.

He had never known a woman quite like her, and he doubted he ever would again. He had loved her, and she would never know his true feelings for her. Not that she would have believed him even if he had told her. She would have brushed him off, not believing a word of what he would have said. And a small part of him wouldn't have blamed her if it were the case. Heck, if their roles were reversed, he doubted he would believe his words either. If he could turn back the hands of time- he would do it in a heartbeat. He would give anything for a second chance to try and save her, to do things differently, anything that would bring her back to him.

For years he had tried to suppress his feelings for, Olivia, years that were lost because he didn't take the chance to tell her what he really felt about her. He swore he would have done it after she woke up in the hospital, but she never did.

Feeling the lump in the back of his throat, he tried to prevent the tears that wanted to fall. His life now- felt somewhat empty without the woman who had always been by his side through thick and thin. She had always defending him against the minister and those arse covering prigs who wanted rid of him. Her faith and trust in him; she had questioned from time to time, but it didn't stop her from protecting him. He found it ironic that she had always protected him, and yet- he couldn't return the favour.

He kept the photo frame in his hand as he lay on his side on the couch and continued to stare at the photo. He didn't know how long had passed, before he felt his eyes close. As he drifted off to sleep, he held the photo of Olivia close to his heart, never letting go.


	3. A Few Home Truths

* * *

Bond walked through the halls of MI6 ignoring the stares as he continued his journey towards M's office. He and everyone else knew that he had become reckless on his missions, more so now than he had been in the past. Mallory had asked him if he needed more time to recover from Olivia's death, but he had turned down the offer wanting to get back out into the field. He needed to do something to keep his mind off everything that had happened. It gave him a sense of normality, but now it seemed that even that was going to be taken away from him too, from the sounds of Mallory's voice on the phone earlier. He knew this debrief probably wouldn't go well. He had crossed the line and this time he had a feeling he would be paying for it.

As he entered the corridor to M's office, he noticed that Moneypenny was nowhere in sight. Come to think of it, there was no sign of Tanner as well. The other man was usually around whenever he was called to M's office, normally giving him a warning of what to expect before he faced Olivia's wrath. Except it wasn't Olivia's wrath he would be facing it was Mallory's. It was just another reminder that everything had changed.

As he approached the door to Mallory's office, he could hear the man speaking with someone. The conversation appeared to be one-sided which made him assume he was on the phone. Pressing his ear closer to the door, he listened to the conversation, his eyes narrowing when he heard his name being mentioned.

 _"_ _We need to do something about James' behaviour. It's almost as if he is trying to get himself killed."_

James couldn't help but agree that Mallory wasn't far from the truth. It wasn't like he had much left to live for. Everyone he gets close to always seems to die or leave him in the end.

 _"_ _I know we agreed to keep all of this a secret, but I think now it is in our best interest to tell him the truth, Olivia."_

Hearing the familiar name caused his heart to beat frantically in his chest, it couldn't be the same one. She was dead. He was at her funeral and saw her coffin as it was lowered into the dark, cold ground. But now he realised, he never actually saw her body. The last time he saw her, was when the medical staff rushed her off to the OR. They wouldn't let him see her body after she had been declared dead.

 _"_ _If you are positive this is what you want, I will respect your wishes. I just hope you know what you are doing. I'll call you later."_

The end of the conversation caused James to move away from the door as he thought over Mallory's words. There was a good chance it could be someone in the government with the same name. He didn't want to get his hopes up that it was his Olivia, only for him to go through the process of losing her all over again. But a small part of him wanted to believe that it was Olivia, and that she was still alive.

He would need to look into it more later after his debrief was over with. If he didn't… It would continue to haunt the back of his mind wondering if she was indeed still alive.

Knocking on Mallory's door, he heard the voice call out telling him to 'enter'. Opening the door, he saw Mallory sitting behind his desk, with a folder in front of him. Closing the door behind him, he walked over and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

"I trust you know why I have called you here, 007?"

"I have a faint idea. Why don't we just get his over with instead of playing pleasantries?"

Mallory gave him a disapproving look; "I know these past few months have been difficult for you. She was a remarkable woman, but you need to let her go. Not only is it affecting you emotionally, it is also causing you to be reckless on missions. What do you hope to achieve by getting yourself killed?"

"I thought the minister and the rest of those government officials would be glad to see the back of me!" James stated steering away from actually answering Mallory's question.

"They would, but let me ask you this. What would Olivia say now, if she saw you were being reckless and purposely trying to get yourself killed? She has spent years defending you, from the likes of the minister. Are you that selfish that you would make her out to be a liar?" Mallory asked leaning back watching James reaction.

"I told her she was sentimental over you, but now I see that it goes both ways. You need to let her go, 007. Grieve and move on with your life…"

"What life?" James asked raising his voice. "It was my actions that got her killed! I have to live with the knowledge that I couldn't save her!"

"She made her decision, 007. Now it's time you made yours."

"And what decision would that be?" James snapped.

"Either you pull your act together and be the agent Olivia described to the minister and put her trust in, or we end this here and you hand in your resignation. I can't afford to have an agent who puts not only his life on the line but others as well."

"So, what you're trying to say is… if I don't agree with option one, you are going to fire me?" James asked in disbelief. "That is your solution for everything isn't it Sir! First Olivia, now me! Whose next, Tanner?"

"My hands are tied here, 007. Frankly you have used up all the chances Olivia has given you over the years. Even, my influence is wearing thin. The decision is yours, but I want you to think about this, would Olivia really want you to throw your career away?"

James sat thinking over Mallory's words knowing he was guilt tripping him into agreeing with option one, but he couldn't help but think that there was some truth behind his words. Olivia would want him to move on with his life, and not throw his career away just because he was emotionally attached to the memory of her. He knew what he wanted to do, but it would prove easier said than done. Olivia had been apart of his life for nine years, even though it felt like he had known her a lifetime. It would take him sometime, but if he did decide to stay, he would do it for her sake.

"I need a decision, 007."

"I'm staying, I'm not giving the minister or those other government bastards the satisfaction that they managed to get rid of me."

Mallory gave him a faint smile, "Good, now that matter has been dealt with." He picked up the file that was on his desk and placed it in front of James. "You're next mission."

James, leaned forward and picked up the file, and started to flick through it confused at seeing no mission details other than a plane ticket to the Bahamas and accommodation details for a local villa.

"Think of it as a short break to get your head together, 007."

"For how long?" James asked looking up from the file.

"That's up to you, but I don't want to see you back in this building until you are confident your emotions won't overrule your judgement."

James gave a faint nod, "Is that everything, sir?"

"For now. If I need you, I will be in touch."

"Sir." James stood up with the file in his hand and left Mallory's office never looking back.

He knew he would need to go home and pack, but first he needed to check what had been bothering him after hearing Mallory's conversation.

"You finally made it in then, James?"

He stopped in his tracks to see Moneypenny smiling at him, as she took off her coat.

"Funny, I was going to say the same about you?" He gave her a smirk before continuing the journey to his office.

He could feel Moneypenny's eyes burn into his back, and hurried his pace in case she asked him what had happened. He appreciated she cared, but he wished people would leave him alone. He had dealt with heartache all his life, he managed to overcome it eventually, but this time he knew it would take him longer.

As he entered his office, he placed the file on his desk and started up his computer. If Olivia was alive, then Mallory knew the details. He just needed to find the file. Searching for 'Olivia Mansfield' he waited for any results from the past few months.

When the search came up 'no results found' he mentally slapped himself. Refreshing the search, he typed in 'Olivia Mawdsley'. When no results showed he sighed in defeat, knowing it was too good to be true.

Leaning back in his chair, he looked at the computer monitor, before deciding to try something else. Accessing the phone network, he looked through the list of Mallory's call history. The results caused his eyes to narrow as the same number continued to appear. Looking at the time, he noticed it was the same number that Mallory had received a call from when he was outside his office.

Picking up his phone, he started to dial the number. As he reached the last three digits he replaced the phone back on the receiver having second thoughts. Deciding on a different tactic, he brought up a satellite image and started a trace entering in the phone number to pin point an exact location.

Tapping his fingers on the desk, he waited for the results. He was clutching at straws, but he needed some closure. When the results appeared he banged his fist on the table as he saw the signal bounce across the map.

Throwing caution out into the wind, he picked up the phone once again and dialled the number not caring about the consequences. The phone continued to ring with no answer, causing him to hang up. It was a dead end, yet all of this was suspicious. Or he was making it out to be that way.

Turning off the computer, he stood up and picked up the file before leaving his office. James knew it was a long shot, but a small part of him had hoped that she was still alive somewhere; enjoying her retirement. But now, he knew it had been foolish to believe in hope. It only led to disappointment in the end.

She was gone. Just like everyone else he had come to love in his life. Perhaps, it was fates way of telling him that he was meant to spend the rest of his life alone.


	4. Home Is Where The Heart Is

* * *

The plane journey to the Bahamas passed slowly for James. It was the one place where he couldn't run from his thoughts. As he looked out into the clouds, he felt as if he were in a dream and Olivia would be waiting for him when he woke up. But that thought was no longer true. She wouldn't be waiting for him. Not anymore.

_"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are about to begin our final descent to Lynden Pindling International Airport in ten minutes. The current temperature in Nassau is 28°C. We have enjoyed having you on board today and thank you for flying with British Airways."_

James groaned inwardly at the co-pilot's cheery attitude and refastened his seatbelt, remembering the first time he had set foot on Nassau. Now it seemed he was going full circle by returning to the one place where the whole mess with Quantum had officially started. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but this time, there would be no Olivia to greet him.

Looking away from the window, he felt the plane descend towards the airport. Mallory could have gotten him a villa anywhere, yet he chose Nassau. If this was punishment for his behaviour and actions on his last mission, he certainly wasn't amused.

The plane touched the runway with a heavy bounce causing, James to roll his eyes. He could have achieved a better landing with his eyes closed.

When the plane came to a stop, he unfastened his seatbelt; then stood up and reached up to the overhead compartment for his case before finally departing the plane.

As soon as he stepped out, he felt the humidity hit him full on as his body started to adjust to the warmer temperatures. Walking down the steps, putting on his sunglasses when he reached the bottom and made his way to the airport exit.

Before he could go anywhere, he needed a car. Thankfully, he hadn't destroyed the last rental he had when he was here, so getting another from the same place shouldn't be a problem, or so he hoped. After all, he did leave it at the Ocean View Hotel without returning it.

It was another thirty minutes before he finally managed to start his journey to the villa. He had to constantly reassure the retailer that he would return it before they gave him the keys.

Speeding down the narrow road, James looked down at his GPS, noting that he had another ten-minute drive until he reached the villa. He didn't understand why Mallory had decided to organise a specific villa for him, when he could have just as easily picked one himself. There was no denying he had found it suspicious, that Mallory had gone out of his trouble to organise his little break for him. It left him wondering if the man had an ulterior motive. Either that, or the man just wanted Bond out of the way as quickly as possible for a few weeks. Whatever it was, his new boss was hiding something from him. He didn't know what exactly, but he hoped he would find the answers relatively soon. He hated being kept in the dark.

Turning the corner, he could make out the villa in the distance. Upon getting closer, he realised it looked more like a modern cottage surrounded by native trees and flowers that would more than likely attract the local birds.

Pulling up into the driveway, he saw the signpost that said 'Birdsong Cottage' and shook his head in amusement. Turning off the engine, he got out of the car and looked up at the building and surrounding area, which seemed to be quiet and secluded. It was almost tranquil and Bond couldn't help but think that it would the sort of place Olivia would have retired to if she had survived.

Trying to block out the images that continued to haunt him, he opened the boot and took out his weekend bag before closing it behind him. Walking up the steps, he stood on the front porch and pulled out the keys that had been in the folder Mallory had given him.

Placing the key into the lock, he turned it, hearing the door unlock and stepped over the threshold closing the door behind him. Walking down the hallway, he stopped when he saw a pair of woman's shoes next to the cabinet. His curiosity peaked, he continued to search through the rest of the villa, taking in the spacious modernised rooms that looked like were made for a large family rather than a single individual.

Continuing his search he finally came to the master bedroom and pushed the door open to see the four poster king size bed along with a walk-in closet and ensuite bathroom off to one side. But what really caught his attention was the range of woman's perfume and makeup sitting on the oak dresser. Dropping his bag, he walked over to look at the items more closely. It was then he relealised that they were the same brand names only one person he knew used.

Walking over to the closet, he looked through the various clothes hanging up and looked at the size on the label. His earlier hunch seemed to be correct, either that or she had a twin.

He came out of his thoughts when he heard a set of footsteps down the hall. Placing the blouse on the bed, he walked towards the sound of someone in the kitchen. Trying to keep quiet, he approached the doorway to see a familiar speck of white hair. Opening the door wider, he stopped in his tracks at seeing the familiar figure hunched over the sink, peeling potatoes.

"Olivia…?"

The woman in question jumped as she turned to face him. He saw the look of fear on her face, as she dropped the knife she was holding.

"How did you find me?"

"I didn't. Mallory sent me here on vacation."

Her eyes flashed in anger, "I told him you weren't supposed to know. You need to leave."

James felt his own anger take over at her remark. "No, I need answers! Why didn't you tell me? All this time, you have been alive while I mourned you, blaming myself for your death! Do you have any idea what it has been like for me, Olivia?"

"I had hoped you would get over me, James and move on with your life!"

"Move on with my life? How did you suppose I would do that when you were such a large part of my life! You died that day and took part of me with you! I couldn't move on if I wanted to!"

"James…"

He ignored her plea and advanced towards her. "You weren't the one that had to suffer the pitying looks from Tanner and Eve! You weren't the one that had to face the accusations and whispers that I was the one that had gotten you killed! Or how I couldn't protect you when it was my idea to take you to my childhood home in the middle of nowhere with no back-up!"

Olivia gazed up at him to see the anger and despair swirling in his eyes, as the full reality of her actions sunk in. She thought she was doing him a favour by faking her death, but it seemed her actions had the opposite effect. Instead of trying to distance herself from him, so he could move on with his life, she had only caused him more heartache.

"It wasn't your fault, James. It was mine. Too many people died because of my past actions. Silva may have killed them, but I'm also responsible for those agents losing their lives." Olivia told him softly, all anger had left her as she walked over to the dining table and sat down.

"After I awoke after my surgery, I was told that I had died twice on the operating table. It was just by sheer luck that I'm still alive. I informed Mallory that it would be best if everyone thought I had died. After months of recovery and physio, I retired here, while keeping contact with Mallory to keep me updated on how you were faring after the ordeal at Skyfall. I even hacked into MI6 servers on occasion to find out details of your missions."

"Why didn't you just tell me, Olivia?" James asked taking a seat next to her.

"I wanted to tell you, James. There were times when I picked up the phone wanting to call you, just so I could hear your voice." She admitted softly.

"What stopped you?" James inquired needing to know the reason.

"If I called... It would have made it more difficult for me to let you go." She looked down at her hands trying to collect her thoughts.

She had kept her feelings a secret and buried for so long, that perhaps it was time to lay everything on the table. It wasn't as if she had anything left to lose. Not anymore. If James didn't feel the same, then she would carry on as she always had done.

She felt herself jump slightly when she felt James reach out and take one of her hands in his own.

"Tell me what's going on in that mind of yours, Olivia."

"This isn't easy for me, James. I've always been a closed book, refusing to let anyone get close to me, except my late husband. But even then... he didn't know everything about me, about my earlier life, or my job. I kept him in the dark, right up until his death. After he passed, I hardly grieved. We may have been married, but It was in name only. I cared for him don't get me wrong, but my love for him dwindled over the years, partly due to my job." Olivia looked up and met his eyes, "It was also during that time that I realised that my heart belonged to someone else."

James never thought that in a million years that she would open up to him about her feelings. She had always been a private person, creating a wall of ice around her heart so as not to let anyone get close. Now, it seemed the ice had thawed and with it, all the secrets that she had kept over the years had started to break free.

"I tried to deny and suppress what I was feeling for you for years, I still had a job to do. I couldn't let my feelings get in the way and cloud my judgement. The minister already thought there was something more going on between us. I denied it of course and gave him the same excuse that you were my agent and the best in the service. But it was Mallory's comment that day in my office after I cleared you for fieldwork that made me realise that I could no longer turn a blind eye."

"What did he say?" Bond asked, having a feeling he already knew the answer.

"You're sentimental over him."

"He said the same thing to me when he called me into his office about my recent mission endeavours."

Olivia faintly smiled, "Well, on my part he was right in his assumption. I cared for you more than I should have as your superior, but over time those feelings seemed to grow and develop into something more. I didn't know how to deal with it. I was harbouring feelings for not only one of my agents, but someone fifteen years younger. It was only after you were declared dead in Turkey, that i felt my heart break apart and I knew then I had done what I swore to never do again. I unknowingly gave you my heart."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was what he had hoped to hear from her lips ever since their brief encounter in the Bahamas during the Casino Royale mission. She had taken his breath away that day. He would never forget the way the sun bounced off her skin creating a golden halo around her, as she looked at him with such trust in her eyes. He had fallen for her right then and there, but had mostly buried those feelings. Similar, to what Olivia had done until he couldn't deny them any longer.

"I understand if you don't feel the same, James. But now that you know, I'll leave what you do with the information up to you." She gave him a sad smile and pulled her hand from James' before standing up and leaving the kitchen.

James sat in a daze, before coming to his senses as he quickly followed after, Olivia.

Seeing her about to enter the master bedroom, he grabbed her by the arm and turned her around, kissing her deeply. The feel of her soothing warm body flushed against his was something he had dreamed of for years. He didn't want to let her go. He loved her. Loved her more than anyone else he ever loved in his life.

Finally pulling apart, he looked down into Olivia's eyes as she stared up at him in shock and disbelief.

"James…"

"I've wanted you since that moment I saw you in the Bahamas's all those years ago." He reached up and traced her face with his fingertips trying to memorise every detail, every line that told a story about her life.

"All these years, I wanted to show you how much I cared for you. How much I loved you." He traced her bottom lip. "Now, we have that chance, Olivia. That is... if you willing to take a chance on a worn out, blunt instrument," he asked softly with a smile.

"I wouldn't have you any other way, James."

He returned her smile and kissed her again, more softly feeling her slip one arm around his neck eagerly returning his kiss.

"How long are you staying?" Olivia whispered against his lips.

"Mallory didn't specify a date. So until I'm needed, I'm yours."

"Remind me to thank the man."

He chuckled in response as he held the woman he loved in his arms.

"But I also need you to promise me something, James." she pulled out of his embrace and looked up at him.

"Anything."

"Promise me, that no matter what happens... you'll always come back to me."

"I promise, Olivia."

Satisfied with his answer, she rested her head back against his chest and closed her eyes taking comfort in the gentle beating of his heart.

James held her close, and pressed a kiss into her hair, thankful he had another chance with the woman he loved. He vowed to keep his promise and return to her. After all, she owned his heart and as the saying goes; home is where the heart is.

 


End file.
